Life is Change

Somedays we would like to assume that we can do anything that we want. Go places, do things, work at a place that will make us rich and marry the best person, have fantastic children and be happy forever. Life unfortunately is never that smooth. Sometimes we make the wrong choice and we learn from it or we can repeat it. I often make mistakes and hope to learn from them and further myself. I am starting a new chapter in my life, going to try to make changes and enjoy the ride. I hope that you will all come along, and maybe get some interaction along the way. Question for anyone out there reading this...do you also like motorcycles?

Above It All

This last year, I have been tying to rise above it all. Above the pain of my dad passing, of not having him here, not being able to talk to him, or even ask for guidance. I have no interim dad. And it's heartbreaking. I have handled crisis, kids, homeschool, work from home, COVID, family death from COVID and choas that it has wreaked upon our lives. I was never depressed in my life until last year. I cried almost every day. It was hard. It was hard to go to the Dr and ask for something to ease my strain. In the middle of everything having a child that has special needs is trying. They do not understand everything all the time. Sometimes things are too literal and sometimes, the emotions are too big for even them. Love has been the only thing that has gotten me through, along with a mood elevator, loving my family, loving my work, loving to go and get out and do things. I didn't knit much last year. I didn't do much of anything last year besides work. They love my family has for me is amazing. They do not make me feel guilty for wanting down time, or alone time, to be upset and healing. I may not ever get over the loss of my dad, but I smile when I think I did something that he would have liked. I know his essence is still with me forever and how he made me feel will last beyond my lifetime as well. Best part, my brother felt the same. This year we took a vacation together for the first time without a parent. Our families. (It wasn't all of us though). But it helped. I have started knitting again, and hope to make many hats this year that I can donate. I hope to fall back into the yarny wagon, and post happier and lighter topics soon. Thank you for bearing with me, and I hope you too can rise above.

Sweater Weather - Amid Crisis

When last I posted, I had lost my dad. Not much after I returned to work, I was sent home. Corona Virus made everyone take shelter. I was told to hunker down at home with my husband, four kids and two dogs. I have not accomplished a lot in my mind. I felt like I was contributing to the war effort in olden times, cooking, what seemed like all day some days, and cleaning, and trying to keep kids entertained, and engaged. As well as sewing in all my spare time. If I never sew another mask I might be ok with it. Unless someone needs them, then I will make them gladly. Election is coming up and people are meaner than ever. I have never been one to argue, but I don't take well to people telling me how I need to vote and if I don't vote the same as them I am, well, a lot of things that are not true. Both sides have things I disagree with, and now Libertarian party is making an upswing. Could we knit them all hats for HatNotHate? I digress, I am working on a gray sweater, much like my mood, warm but gray, not attractive, yet still comfortable. It's from Yarnspirations, the pattern is free, "Caron Adult Knit Crew Pullover" and the yarn is from JoAnns, (with four kids I am on a budget lol). Feel free to drop a line, or post a response in how you are handling yourself during these trying times?

Carry On

These words can have great contextual impact, right now they are the worst words. My father passed away, three days ago. A lifetime ago. I have been trying to inform everyone of plans, intentions, and going-ons. I have shopped for my teenage son, he will now be as sharp as anyone in the family, with a new suit, shirt, tie and shoes. I have not shopped for myself. I am afraid to. As if that will make it more real and permanent in my mind. I was devastated when my grandparents passed away, I was so close to them. They raised me more than both my natural parents, but I was such good friends with my dad, it’s killing me. I never thought it would be like this. I never thought of a world without him, especially not at this point in life. He was 64 years old. We found out he had cancer in December, and now he is gone and it’s barely mid-February. How do you heal from something like this? I am trying not to be mad or angry, but I do not understand. I am trying not to question God, or life, but I am having a hard time trying to wrap my head around what happened to my Dad. I should say that he was not only my Dad, I have three brothers on that side of the family as well. And I have a step-mother. We have not always gotten along, and a lot of that intentional, and some unintentional. I have no idea how to muddle through....

Life, do you have it under control?

Ever think that life is just a thing that you’re doing and trying to finish one day at a time. Well, it is. I know everyone has their own mantra, or ideas, about life and are trying to figure it out. I haven’t. Not by any means. Today I am making one of the hardest trips I have ever made. My dad isn’t well and he has called us home. Now I have no idea what that means, except he want us to have the things that he holds dear and wants us to cherish as well. He gave me a pocket knife once, years ago, told me that he knew I would take care of it, it’s been handed down for years and years in our family. I admit, I am afraid to sharpen it, I don’t want to lose any of the blade that isn’t necessary but make sure that it is well kept. How can you look forward to something like this? With the strength of God I intend to do as I am told, and hope that there is little to no argument with anyone. I will be glad to see my dad, I just wish it was better circumstances. Enjoy every day, love as much as you can. Hate less than anyone would believe possible and remember time is precious, don’t forget to make your moments count. Live for the moments you can’t put into words.

Gray Knitting Day

I didn't mean to be so literal in my title, but it is. It is now starting to look like winter outside, bleary gray skies, followed by slushy rain. The salt trucks and snow plows have officially left the barns for the first time this season and I do not really like to be outside anymore once that happens. It just means cold. I have gone back to working in knit, for now, I have made two other hats in the last month along with all of the baby blankets, and I am getting close to finishing, another made up pattern, it seems very flexible and stretchy and is made with an acrylic yarn from Premier that I am truly surprised with the softness and the texture. It is a chunky yarn, and I am knitting with size 10 Brittany needles. These are the ones that replaced my white Bakelite needles that popped in the middle of the last hat. I never recommend these needles enough. I forget, they are a silent favorite for me because after the initial grip wears off quickly, they are just as fast an convenient and slick as any of the other knitting needles that I have, and I am an Addi addict for the most part. But I have never been unhappy with a pair of Brittany needles. DPNs are my favorite for hat and glove and sock knitting, and sometimes sleeves. If you don't own a pair and have the opportunity to get some, do it, you will be pleased. Just remember the initial grit from the varnish texture wears off after about 1 hat. Then they are as slick as the nickels. And let me show you my progress...

Let the Chips Fall as they May

So as it’s nearing fall, actually it already is, but more feeling like it. I am closer to getting a job, but I keep having small things get in the way here or there, so far they have been overcome, but I am definitely being tested. I am behind on baby blankets, no surprise, I wanted to be up to date by now, but life gets in the way I suppose. Right now I am curious to find out if one of my sons is going to be punished basically for the misdeeds of the other son. Stressful to say the least. How do you turn a kid around? This kid has been a challenge for me all the years that I have been with my husband, even before marriage. He so desperately wanted to be my sidekick and he was until he started punishing the other kids and myself for when he got or gets in trouble. I digress, I have started two new items this week as I have startitis, a hat for one of the girls and a hoodie for my brother. Not sure If either one will work out perfectly, but I am trying it. And just for fun, a gratuitous picture of yarn goodness. Please excuse the string, I will sew that in later.