Carry On

These words can have great contextual impact, right now they are the worst words. My father passed away, three days ago. A lifetime ago. I have been trying to inform everyone of plans, intentions, and going-ons. I have shopped for my teenage son, he will now be as sharp as anyone in the family, with a new suit, shirt, tie and shoes. I have not shopped for myself. I am afraid to. As if that will make it more real and permanent in my mind. I was devastated when my grandparents passed away, I was so close to them. They raised me more than both my natural parents, but I was such good friends with my dad, it’s killing me. I never thought it would be like this. I never thought of a world without him, especially not at this point in life. He was 64 years old. We found out he had cancer in December, and now he is gone and it’s barely mid-February. How do you heal from something like this? I am trying not to be mad or angry, but I do not understand. I am trying not to question God, or life, but I am having a hard time trying to wrap my head around what happened to my Dad. I should say that he was not only my Dad, I have three brothers on that side of the family as well. And I have a step-mother. We have not always gotten along, and a lot of that intentional, and some unintentional. I have no idea how to muddle through....

Life, do you have it under control?

Ever think that life is just a thing that you’re doing and trying to finish one day at a time. Well, it is. I know everyone has their own mantra, or ideas, about life and are trying to figure it out. I haven’t. Not by any means. Today I am making one of the hardest trips I have ever made. My dad isn’t well and he has called us home. Now I have no idea what that means, except he want us to have the things that he holds dear and wants us to cherish as well. He gave me a pocket knife once, years ago, told me that he knew I would take care of it, it’s been handed down for years and years in our family. I admit, I am afraid to sharpen it, I don’t want to lose any of the blade that isn’t necessary but make sure that it is well kept. How can you look forward to something like this? With the strength of God I intend to do as I am told, and hope that there is little to no argument with anyone. I will be glad to see my dad, I just wish it was better circumstances. Enjoy every day, love as much as you can. Hate less than anyone would believe possible and remember time is precious, don’t forget to make your moments count. Live for the moments you can’t put into words.